Into the Void

Last week was exceptionally stressful, as we realized our days at UCLA were numbered. It is time for the next phase of treatment, but we had no clear direction until the last minute. I prayed for a sign on Thursday morning, and by Thursday evening several had been given. The two Jays toured a wonderful rehab facility in Pomona, Casa Colina, and every green light was on. So Katherine will be transferred there by ambulance on Tuesday or Wednesday. More on that later...

In the process of trying to arrive at a decision, the Jays, Katherine, and I had a conversation with the new head neurologist. At the end of that discussion, he took Jay, Sr. and me back to his office to pull up Katherine’s records on his computer. Finally, almost four months after the surgery, I was able to see for myself the black and white of what has happened to my child.                                                                  
Dr. A. showed us CT scans (or maybe it was MRIs) of Katherine’s brain. First, there was the huge abstract art form of the AVM. Then he showed us the brain stem, which was completely engulfed in blood. Finally, he showed us the “after” picture. There is a large black hole where the left side of Katherine’s cerebellum used to be. Gone. Empty. Blank. Just a big black Void of Nothingness.

He also elucidated the cranial nerve impact. Seven of them are damaged, not four.

So. There we are. In vivid black and white.

Dr. A. told us that in 25 years of practicing neurology, he had never seen anything like this. (Now remember, this is UCLA, not Podunk General Hospital.) When I went into her room yesterday, Katherine was anxious to tell me about her conversation with her RN, Richard. He told her that in 30 years of nursing, he’d only seen four neurology patients in her age bracket with the kind of AVM damage she has sustained. She is the only one who ever spoke again. (One remains in a persistent vegetative; the other two died.) He likened her survival to winning the Califoria Lottery. I guess now that we're leaving it’s time to play Truth or Consequences...and say the things that were best left unsaid before. I am grateful that I didn’t fully comprehend the situation until recently. And I am especially grateful that Katherine didn’t. “As a man (woman) thinketh, so (s)he is...” But it is good to know these things at this point in order to fully appreciate the Lazarus-like miracle of Katherine’s life.

Now we really understand why Dr. Gonzalez cried.

I am intensely, profoundly grateful for the gift of more time with Katherine. I am glad the world has more time with her. But I find myself in some tricky prayer territory now. (Please bear with me here...I am no theologian. Reread the “About Me” section if you ever have any questions or objections to something I write. I am trying to retain something of the spirit originally intended for this...just an average sinner thinking outloud with my friends.) Here’s the dilemma. Based on the medical “facts,” is praying for complete restoration like asking God to re-grow an amputated limb???

I believe that miracles did not cease with the end of the Apostolic Age, that “Greater things than these you will do...” was not addressed only to the Eleven. I have seen before-and-after x-rays of an inoperable brain tumor that disappeared completely after prayer, leaving behind no scar tissue or residue of any kind. (Medically “impossible,” according to a Neurosurgeon friend of mine who believes that “with God all things are possible,” and that the case in question was a supernatural healing.) There are many, many more verifiable contemporary accounts of God apparently intervening in the Laws of Nature. After all, they’re His laws.

Katherine is missing part of her brain. There is a void where brain tissue used to be. But it is interesting to note what the Book says about God and voids. It all begins with a Void. “The earth was formless and void, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters. Then God said “Let there be light,” and there was light.” (Gen. 1:2-3) Somewhere in the NT it says something like “He calls into being from that which is not.” (Internet access was a much-appreciated but unfortunately temporary blessing, so I no longer have access to a concordance...maybe someone could look it up for me.)

God fills empty places. It is just what He does. If you have a hole in your heart, He longs to come in and fill it with the love and light of His presence. If your soul is cold and hollow and empty, He delights in pouring the rich warmth of His Spirit into those lonely places. > Newsflash: I just grabbed my Bible to try to look up something else, and it ‘happened’ to open to Eph. 5:18: “Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, BE FILLED with the Holy Spirit...” (NLT) Thanks, Lord, I needed that reminder. I told you He has a sense of humor. Note that the verse is stated in the imperative case. (Didn’t my daughter miss that one on “Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?”) It is a command. We are told to allow ourselves to be filled to overflowing with real LIFE...abundant, vital, electrifying LIFE. Oh Father, please fill up all our empty places with more of you!

About a year and a half ago, someone sent me a message from Elijah House Ministries which was prophetic in nature. Almost every sentence of that message ricocheted through me like a white-hot BB, leaving an icy chill of unearthly apprehension (first definition) in its wake. One phrase buzzes through my brain now. “The prognostications of the doctors will be turned into lies.” Now I want you to know that I have a very deep-rooted respect for the medical profession. My father, whom I adored, was a wonderful man who devoted his life to helping people through his calling as a doctor. He was a brilliant person...Phi Beta Kappa at Emory, Mensa, and all that...but even he was not God, as much as I frequently expected him to be. He couldn’t fix everything. I think that most of the best physicians will tell you that they don’t know it all. It’s not humanly possible to know every every everything. Even doctors and nurses are shocked at the way things sometimes happen against all odds.

I am praying that this will continue to be one of those times. I am choosing to believe and hope that God will not stop at half a miracle. I am putting myself out on a (phantom) limb and praying for complete restoration, in spite of that black hole on the screen.

One of the first things Jay saw at the new facility was a large banner reading, “Where Miracles Continue...”

I invite you to join me (with my tiny little mustard seed of faith) in radical prayer.