Tuesday, December 30, 2008

really

I really really really appreciate it when people say, “She’s doing great!! or “She looks so much better than I thought she would!” or “She’s fantastic!! Really!”

But, sometimes, I appreciate it even more when someone says: “Oh my God, how I hurt for you.” “Your precious baby......” “Your sweet Katherine.....” “I know how hard this must be for you....”

And I appreciate it still more when someone just hugs me with tears in their eyes, and says, “I love you so much. I haven’t stopped praying for you and your girl since this happened. I will continue to pray for all of you every day until she’s well.”

(Just FYI.........for future reference...)



But of course there’s absolutely no way anyone could know this unless they’ve been through it themselves.

No one else could possibly know.

I wouldn’t even have a clue.



But it really is okay.


really.

7 comments:

tatiana said...

kim,
if i could hug u right now, i would....
i know, because that's what means the most to me too....
i never get tired of hearing those words of prayer from family & friends....
it's what keeps me going....
as i take a deep, healing breath & think "it's okay"....
lots of love to you & katherine....

ef said...

C.S Lewis wrote after the death of his wife: The same flutter in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning I keep swallowing...it feels like being mildly drunk or confused. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me...something inside me tries to assure me...then comes a sudden job of red-hot memories.

I suspect that nothing could have prepared you for Katherine's first trip home following her TBI and the emotions that flew out of nowhere with a gale wind force that make Katrina to be a mild summer breeze. I wish I could sum it all up in 25 words or less (remember that advertising ploy of the 70's to win the grand prize)? But since I can't.....

I will pray for stamina to last a lifetime...that God's grace will be sufficient to handle the challenges of ongoing recovery, to get up every day and face an uncertain future (and given the current economic environment that covers a multitude of concerns) to really live the mantra 'one day at a time,' to humbly accept the whisperings that cut to the quick but were surely meant by the speaker to be encouraging, to resist feeling resentful when everyone else complains about undecorating the house...(if only that were the biggest problem in this post-Christmas let-down?) to remain faithful when God repeatedly says no..... and most of all---to allow yourself time to mourn. Katherine's life was spared and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt you are grateful. But so much was/is lost......

It is healthy--no, make that essential, to slog through the difficult process of grieving and maybe even rant and rave to God that you are just down right mad as hell about this sudden turn in life (remember the cemetary scene from Steel Magnolias?)

I'm think I can speak for all of the mothers of adult daughters on the road with you, our hearts ache as well.

Barefootin said...

There are SO many times we as friends and loved ones have NO CLUE how to confort - and this is one of those. I personally am HUGE on hugs so consider yourself hugged from some random stranger that you don't really know but loves you anyway because you are open and honest!! And yes I am praying for all of you and will continue.....

Laura M. said...

friend of Jason here: I had premature twins in May who had to stay in the NICU for 2 months and people would say things like, "Well get some rest now because you sure are going to need it" or "You better appreciate quiet nights now because when they come home you are gonna wish you could sleep again!"

I know they were trying to make light of the situation and "make me feel better" so I just smiled and said yea...

But I really felt like saying , "No No see I am not sleeping now anyway because when I am at home, and my 1 and 2 pound babies are hooked up to monitors and feeding tubes across town in a hospital without their mother I am in my bed wanting them here with me NOW"

I started to wonder what parents with healthy babies complained about getting up at night with them. It changed my perspective on the things we complain about. I have kept up with you and your family since April and am amazed and encouraged by Kat's strength and all of yours. Keep it up and God Bless.

Ginny Evans said...

Consider yourself "hugged" today Kim!!!

Reba V. Stabler said...

Kim,
I am one of the First Baptist--- Montgomery people. I met you at Katherine's bridal shower. Although I am sure you don't remember me. Katherine and Jason both know me and I have tremendous love and respect for the entire Wolf family. I have always thought so much of Katherine as a person and a Christian. Jesus always has shone through her so brightly. Yet, even after this happened, Jesus is still shinning through her. I TREMENDOUSLY enjoyed hugging Katherine and Jason a few weeks ago when I got to see them.

You don't know me but I feel like I know you. I find your writings to be so sincere, uplifting, human and full of TREMENDOUS FAITH.

You are right. There are certain things in life nobody knows or understands until they have been there. Many years ago I experienced a situation in my life where people would say things and even though they meant well, it was far from comfort to me. They didn't know or understand how I felt because they had never been in my shoes.

Please know that I have prayed for you and I continue to pray for you. Katherines picture is several places in my home, my office and my car as a prayer reminder to keep lifting her up. My main focus for Katherine right now is for her swallowing reflex to return. Please know that I am hugging you in my heart, thoughts and prayers.

Most Sincerely,
Reba V. Stabler
First Baptist Church
Montgomery, Alabama

Tami said...

Your post reminded me of a time when my sister's best intentions fell flat. A co-worker of hers had a sister pass away. My sister didn't really know details and didn't know him well, but she was truly sorry for his loss. When the office sympathy card came around for her to sign, she wrote "hang in there" on it. She later found out that his sister had hung herself. When she remembered what she had written on the sympathy card she was mortified. Of course my other sister and I laughed at her until we had tears in our eyes - we just couldn't help it as she is famous for her blunders. Sometimes we just don't get it right do we? And you are right, no one knows until you know...heres to lots more simple hugs coming your way, and a new year filled with triumphs.