Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Even Realer, Rawer

The Crisis adrenalin rush is over.  The crowds in the lobby have dwindled down.   There are others with fresher, more immediate needs.

But I am devastated about my child, who cannot speak, smile, or hold her head up.  This is not a dream.  This is happening.   My God, help me to breathe.

Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani??

I believe, help thou my unbelief.  Please.   PLEASE.

Obviously, it’s been a long one.  But tomorrow’s another day...

Lord, come quickly to rescue me.

My friends, I’m not begging for sympathy.  Please just let me get it out so it won’t fester.... “Confess to one another so that you may be healed...”

(I knew this should just be for close friends who love me no matter what.)

  Forgive me if I have offended.

10 comments:

Syd said...

Kim...it's 3:11am and I just read your new post...I am praying for Katherine right now and love you and jay and katherine and james and everyone so much. What is there to say...this whole scenario is unimaginable and unreal...

I heard a preacher say that the more accurate, truer translation of 'cast your cares on Him for He cares for you' (1 Pet. 5:8) is "HURL" your cares on Him...throw your cares on him, chuck your cares on him...that is what He asks us to do!

There are sisters and brothers standing by you pounding on the Lord's door for Katherine! His mercies are new every morning...I pray that you have a fresh morning!

Nissa said...

Kim - I want to encourage you to know that things will get MUCH better. My mom was paralyzed from the neck down in a car accident a little over eight years ago. At first, the support was amazing from friends and family and church members. Then, like you are experiencing right now, slowly people go back to their lives, but you never get to go back to how things used to be - things are now forever changed. In this early phase of Katherine's recovery, it is hard to see how God is going to make it all turn out for the good. As great as it is for people's faith to be growing and their relationship to be deepening with God, I'm sure you can't help but pray there had been another way - or another person - for God to use to do these things. (You may be wondering where the encouragement is...here comes...) Time does heal all wounds. I believe more firmly in my heart and spirit that Katherine is going to be fully restored than I have ever believed anything else. I have heard several friends say that they also have this peace as they have prayed for Katherine - and they don't even know her. Allow God to hold you as you used to hold Katherine as a baby. Allow Him to have your anger, your sorrow, your disappointment. And someday, sooner then you think, you'll have your fully restored daughter laughing in your midst and your own life restored to a better place where your gratitude for the many blessings God has given you will be deepened and more unshakable. Until then, I pray diligently for Katherine, for you, for the rest of the family and friends. In many ways, I understand what you are going through and it can be excruciating at times. Although our prayers don't take the pain away, you can rest knowing that literally thousands of people are walking (or crawling) by your side - carrying your burden so that it becomes light and easy as Christ promised us all. My love goes out to you. Please know that your honesty in your posts does not offend, but merely reveals the diversity of your beauty.

Jessica Billings said...

I wish I lived in CA, because I would love to come up to the hospital right about now and just be there to show my support and let you know in person, that I am praying and will do anything to help... there's only so much I can do from Florida though... I can pray for Katherine and I can pray that God gives you and the families comfort and that your faith will be strengthened through this... please know that while we can't all be there for you in the flesh, we are there in the spirit and there are so many people that are lifting you up throughout the day - I hope that you will remember this when it seems like you're all alone in this difficult journey. I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch everyone go back to their every day routine.

I know when I'm feeling discouraged, I love listening to the hymn It Is Well With My Soul..

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.

Jessica Billings said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dera said...

Kim,
Your blog has been just amazing to read--I check it every morning before I go to work and every evening before I go to bed--it's become a habit, a touchstone for keeping up with our Katherine and all her "support staff". But I've realized that I'm a bit of a "lurker": Internet parlance for one who reads but doesn't post. And I need to change that--you're very much on my heart today, as you have been every day since this terrible event, and I really feel the need to reach out to you.

I'm back in Athens these days, media specialist at an elementary school, and because Powell called me with news of Katherine those first days while I was at work, I have shared her story. Every morning now, my friend Jan comes in and asks, "How's Katherine?" My assistant Cris has put your family on her church prayer list, and we're all "swallowing" with Marianne Causey. We may not have the right words, and we're too far away for hugs, but we're with you.

Powell said that when he visited the hospital the spiritual uplift that he felt around you was so real and almost visible--we all know there's strength underneath you that's going to keep holding you up, even on days when you're down.

If you have a chance (and I hesitate to even ask),send me an email address that you're checking--I'm dera.weaver@gmail.com

I will be in LA sometime soon, and my first visit will be to you and Katherine.

So many have shared scripture and prayers with you, and the words I often have turned to are those from a prayer that I learned on that wonderful trip to England with Katherine, when we were climbing those cathedral spires and touring the Tower and (of course, with Katherine along!) hitting the gift shops every chance we got. The words are from Julian of Norwich:

"All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well."

I know this will be true for Katherine--the world just cannot be otherwise.

Love,
Dera

sstennett said...

Please know that I do care immensely for Katherine and pray daily for her recovery. She is often on my mind and in my heart all throughout the work day and at home with my kids. I can feel the weight of all of this bearing down on you and Jay. I pray for you too.

I only wish we could be ther in Katherine's Corner with you all as a support and prayer team.

Travis said...

Dear Sweet Lady,
If one be offended by that which you have written, that one knows not the realness of the Christian life. Surely God's words through you are reaching beyond your arm's length, and are embracing and comforting another you may never know. Let Him use them.
This present hurt of yours, will also help heal others of afflictions far worse than physical maladies.
May God continue to bless you.

theroses3 said...

Kim,
I am a friend of the "senior" Jay Wolf here in Montgomery. In a similar manner, my family experienced a "shift in the sails" on 9-11. I lived in NYC when it happened and my life and my perspective on life changed dramatically. No one really understood the depths of the changes I went through then.
I felt things would never be the same. They haven't been. BUT a friend said,"when the Lord allows the direction of the winds to change, shift your sails and go with the wind." Don't resist to be back to "what used to be"..this is your family's new normal and even now, you aren't sure what that "new normal" will truly be.

You will find that it is important for those right now to go back to their "normal", BUT the Lord will continue to bring folks your way on this new journey that will support you. Keep shifting those sails with the winds of change and the Great Healer, Jehovah Rapha, will guide you along the way.

Keep being real here. There are lots of us who have been through "the dark night of the soul" and we can hear where you are! Blessings today!

GaylieFelchlin said...

Mrs Arnold -

Don't feel bad about the way you are feeling- it is completely normal. When people begin to fade the distractions lesson and reality is harder to look past. Know that on a regular basis at least 5 people call me to find out if I have found out any news on Kath (I think they think I find out faster because I am in Los Angeles). I think about you, Katherine, the whole family more then I think about my own lately. We are all your backbone right now and will always be here for you!
-Gaylie

jennyhope said...

I so get you and am in prayer for your daughter and family. As a mother I can only imagine.